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The Chronicles of Debbie
 
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Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in The Chronicles of Debbie, the cleaner.'s LiveJournal:

Monday, February 27th, 2006
10:18 am
[jettles]
FUCKING HELL. I HATE MY FUCKING CLEANER. [SECOND STORY]
FUCK. I FUCKING HATE HER SO FUCKING MUCH.

She couldn't come last monday due to the fact that her shitty car broke down, and she was all 'booked out' until today. She's soo fucking stupid. :]! It was like almost 4 when I heard a car coming. I looked out of the window, and I realised Debbie the dumbass cleaner was coming, blah. She was driving kinda fast down the hill, and I was expecting her to do a huge burnout and roll down the hill. OK I'm lying, but yeah, she was driving kinda fast. She got to my driveway, and I could still see her driving like... really fast.

I then heard this huge bang, and part of the house shook. I was so fucking scared. I looked out of the window, and her car was just sitting there, pushed up against the garage door. I just wanted her to die at that point in time. But, I decided to go downstairs anyway. She wasn't that bad, I guess, just kinda... annoying. She had the bonnet lifted up, and I could see that one of the front lights of her car was smashed. She said hi to me, and I was like "Um, hi.." - There was like a tiny bit of smoke coming from the car, but there wasn't too much damage. I asked if she was OK, and she said that she was fine.. and she'd start cleaning soon. It was so fucking awkward, I went back upstairs and back on the computer, she was fine anyway. I was considering calling my dad, but what the fuck was I supposed to say? "Hi lil dewd, our cleaner just crashed into our garage." So I just kinda ignored it, and stayed on the computer replying to Mogenic messages. :'] Shut up, there wasn't anything better to do.

Like 20 minutes or whatever after this, she was coming up the stairs. Ugh. I hate talking to her. She called my name, and I was like "Um, what?" - I COULDN'T FUCKING BELIEVE HER. SHE'S SO FUCKING STUPID. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. She told me that she'd dropped her fucking wedding ring down the toilet, and she needed to know if we had a toilet brush that she could use to get it out. We didn't. FUCK. She was like "Yeah, I'm sorry." I was seriously thinking "NO YOU'RE NOT YOU STUPID BITCH." - Again, it was awkward. I went downstairs, and noticed that the toilet was all yellow. -.- She told me that she'd used it, and when she was about to flush it, her ring had fallen off the necklace around her neck and into the toilet. FUCKING HELL. She said that she didn't flush it 'cos her ring was there, and I was like "uh. OK." - She asked where the gloves were kept again, and I told her in the laundry. She's a cleaner, shouldn't she have her own!?? :\ Anyway, she put on these shitty plastic ones, and reached into the fucking toilet.

UGH. The gloves were too short, so the pee in the toilet went over the top of the gloves and stayed in there. She used our kitchen sink to clean the piss off her. :\ When she was about to leave, just before, she took the gloves off and just put them back in the laundry cupboard, without fucking cleaning them. She got into her car, and she was driving off. She left a dent in the garage. -.- She was reversing in her car, and I heard her scrape the back of it against the gutter. She fucked up her car big time within an hour or so. She was driving up the hill and I was like.. spying on her. Two of her hubcaps fell off and rolled down and hit the garage door. Stupid bitch. I watched her drive away, and her car was smoking the entire time.

My dad should be home soon. I fucking hope he fires her.

Current Mood: angry
Friday, January 20th, 2006
8:52 pm
[lissles]
SHOCKING NEWS.



YES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN - CONFIRMATION THAT DEBBIE TRULY DOES EXIST. She actually wrote that.

Current Mood: grateful
Friday, January 13th, 2006
9:43 pm
[lissles]
The worst day of my fucking life... [FIRST STORY]
HERE IS THE FIRST INSTALLMENT IN THE SERIES!


Oh my fucking god. The scariest thing happened when my housekeeper was at my house yesterday.

I heard this big smash, and I went into the bathroom to find her convulsing on the floor. She had obviously smashed through the glass shower door.. She'd drunk an entire bottle of shampoo trying to kill herself. It was so scary, and I called my dad. He came over and took one look at her then goes "OH MY GOD. I'M SO SORRY BUT I'M GOING TO BE LATE FOR WORK." So he left me there with her. She said that she was cold, so I got her the blanket that my ugly orange dog sleeps on.

Fuck, it was so scary. I put her into my bed because she said she was tired.. or something, and I went to check on her a half hour or so later, and she was lieing there, and my bed was filled with piss. She'd peed in my fucking bed, and I didn't know what the fuck to do. It gets worse, this isn't the end. I told her that she should just go home, I didn't know how to help her. So I helped her get out of my bed, and get her cleaning stuff together.. and she was walking down the stairs and she tripped. She fucking tripped down the stairs, and she rolled all the way to the fucking bottom. I didn't know what the fuck to do, so I just called 000 because she wasn't even breathing.. I couldn't get very close to her anyway because her breath smelt like shit, and she smelt like pee.

Some paramedics came and put her on a stretcher. I felt sorry for them, because she's really fat. :( They were walking out with her, and one of the paramedic guys almost slipped, cos she was still fucking saturated in piss and it was dripping everywhere. Blah.. It was shitty.

Current Mood: amused
Thursday, January 12th, 2006
7:13 pm
[lissles]
Hi, welcome to the community devoted entirely to Debbie.

Soon, it will be updated with information on this wonderful woman. Stay tuned!

Current Mood: energetic
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